The Minister's Wife' will show you how to make perfect cupcakes, turn out well-groomed children every Sunday morning and rise to the lofty heights where criticism cannot reach. In short, you will quickly become the model minister's wife. Unfortunately not. However, what this book will do for you is help you to look honestly at the privileges and problems of the manse and the rectory. It will free you up to become the best you can be, unencumbered by nagging concerns about issues that don t really matter. You are first and foremost a minister's wife before God. What a privilege! This book looks also at the minister's wife's responsibility to her husband and children, as well as to her wider family. It looks at the often-overlooked perks of the job, as well as at thorny issues such as boundaries, forgiveness and forbearance. This book contains wisdom from eight women, distilled for a wider audience. It will be an honest friend to the minister s wife, whether experienced or starting out.

Ann Benton

The Minister’s Wife

From the Platform

Introduction

1. Her responsibility to God: ‘Daughter, do you love me?’

Our relationship with the Lord is the most important thing in our lives because...

Why then do we find it so hard to nurture this relationship with the Lord?

For further reflection or action

2. Her responsibility to her husband: A suitable helper

Be his helper (according to God's design)

Be his wife (he is your husband before he is a minister)

Be his best friend and lover

Be his prayer partner

Be his encourager

Be a loyal friend

Be his trustworthy confidante

Be his refuge-provider

3. Her responsibility to her family: What about the children?

The responsibility of the minister's wife to her family is the same as that of any other Christian wife

There are particular temptations and issues attached to life in the manse or rectory

It is possible to embrace and enjoy the most demanding seasons of our lives

Learning from Mary

For further reflection and action

4. Privileges: Perks of the job

A clear focus

A defined role

A flexible lifestyle

A partnership

Fame

A ringside seat

A door into people's lives

A family to love

A network of very fine people

The prayers of the saints

Worthy to suffer

A slice of the action

5. Pressure points: For the sake of the kingdom

Self-induced or self-aggravated pressures

The pressure to be perfect

Church obsession

The need to succeed

Circumstantial pressures

The unspecified hours

The smaller income

The tied cottage

The claims of fame

Interpersonal pressures

The church members

Loneliness

6. Her service for Christ: Using God-given gifts

Unique spiritual gifts

The discovery of gifts

The use of gifts

Gifts have their time and place

Gifts help to regulate our priorities

The levelling effect of gifts

The eternal significance of gifts

7. Forgiveness and forbearance: Handling criticism

Learning how to forgive

Principles of forgiveness

Learning how to forbear

Learning how to deal with criticism

Dealing with unrelenting criticism

8. Encouragement: Modelling and showing encouragement and hospitality

Why we need encouragement

What encouragement is

Encouragement opportunities

9. Humility and contentment: The minister’s wife’s view of herself

The psalmist says his heart is not proud

His eyes are not haughty

He has learned not to meddle

Contentment and humility go hand in hand

We need to be weaned off the world

We are weaned on to the Lord

10. Ten questions younger ministers’ wives ask (or wish they could ask)

Questions about being an assistant minister's wife

Q1. My husband is about to become an assistant minister. What should my aims be?

Q2. My husband is part of a team ministry. Do you have any tips about relating to others on the team?

Q3. What do you do if you discover that relationships within the leadership team are not as good as you had hoped they would be?

Q4. My husband's assistantship is coming to an end, and we are moving to a new job where he will be in charge. Do you have any advice?

Q5. How do you keep going when you become unsure as to whether or not this is the right path for you?

Questions about life at home

Q6. How do I encourage my husband in a constructive way to be more godly?

Q7. How much should I share with my husband (and vice versa) about people in the church?

Q8. How do you get the right balance of encouraging your husband to be diligent and thorough in his preparation of sermons, while at the same time not spending hours 'finessing' a sermon at the expense of family time?

Q9. How do we reduce the risk of our children becoming 'rebel vicar's kids'?

The Good Book Stall

The Minister’s Wife is a thoughtful attempt at providing a handbook for those embarking on a life as a minister’s wife as well as for those already in this role.  
You could easily be put off by the opening assumptions that ‘God intends male headship’ and that ‘a wife is to be her husband’s helper and to submit to his loving and sacrificial leadership’. The introduction is followed by a somewhat heavy-going opening chapter on ‘Her responsibility to God: Daughter do you love me?’  
To put the book down at this point would be a shame. Further chapters, written by several different clergy wives deal honestly and constructively with the privileges, pressures and pitfalls of life in the vicarage or manse.   
Covering the responsibility the wife has to God, her husband, her family, the parishioners and wider community it also pays equal attention to the importance of retaining her own integrity and of not being squeezed into inappropriate moulds.  
Not only does this book deal with the difficulties of the role, such as loneliness, small income and criticism of her husband, but it also gives constructive ways of coping, and stresses the positive aspects and perks of the job.  
This is a book I wish had been available forty-eight years ago when I started out as a curate’s wife, convinced that I must try to please all of the people all of the time. (Mission impossible!).

The Minister&#146;s Wife is a thoughtful attempt at providing a handbook for those embarking on a life as a minister&#146;s wife as well as for those already in this role.  
You could easily be put off by the opening assumptions that &#145;God intends male headship&#146; and that &#145;a wife is to be her husband&#146;s helper and to submit to his loving and sacrificial leadership&#146;. The introduction is followed by a somewhat heavy-going opening chapter on &#145;Her responsibility to God: Daughter do you love me?&#146;  
To put the book down at this point would be a shame. Further chapters, written by several different clergy wives deal honestly and constructively with the privileges, pressures and pitfalls of life in the vicarage or manse.   
Covering the responsibility the wife has to God, her husband, her family, the parishioners and wider community it also pays equal attention to the importance of retaining her own integrity and of not being squeezed into inappropriate moulds.  
Not only does this book deal with the difficulties of the role, such as loneliness, small income and criticism of her husband, but it also gives constructive ways of coping, and stresses the positive aspects and perks of the job.  
This is a book I wish had been available forty-eight years ago when I started out as a curate&#146;s wife, convinced that I must try to please all of the people all of the time. (Mission impossible!).

The Minister&#146;s Wife

The Minister's Wife

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